The fifth human: Burgers & Babies

Sonograms, burgers, & announcements.

Little Baby,

So much is happening and time is moving so fast. I don't get to write in your journal as often as I would like to.  So let's play some recap. 

The day before mother's day I got to have a rare and always enjoyable night with my best girls. When I arrived I lifted my shirt and showed them the bulge. They all squealed with excitement. 

On mother's day I had my first beef burger in over 5 years. It was incredible! 

Today we visited your Grandpa Jose and you Papa casually said "Oh by the way, you're going to be a Grandpa again.' Lots of love and hugs and congrats from him. His first grandson from his first born. This is a big deal.

It's wonderful telling people in person about your soon arrival. For that reason I haven't posted on social media. We live in a time where life isn't private anymore and the news that should be shared with our loved ones in person, are plastered all over the internet. In fact I am about 6 most and just now documenting our journey on our blog because I do want a record of what we're going through. More for myself, for you, for our little tribe and to reflect upon one day. 

You've ignited some passions in me that were dormant for a bit. For example, I recently started studying for my real estate license again. I have closed out old jobs that were left open and unfinished. I am reading like something I've never experienced. All because I want to be the best that I can be for everyone. I want my choices to be more sound and more clear. I want to be as certain as I can about what I am certain of. 

This is a sacred time. The journey of holding a child within me is spiritual for me. It's one of the miracles of life. How did your heart even start to beat? What caused that? How doe smh body know not to eject you? How does your body know what to pull? I am listening to my cravings as signs of physiological needs. If I'm craving chocolate, perhaps I need to take in more magnesium. So we work on that. 

I feel mostly okay. Some days I have bursts of energy. Sometimes, I want to sleep all day. It's a constant balancing act. My current project - photographing for GrubHub - keep me driving for longs hours. We're enjoying it because we get to visit different places and different restaurants. We're still trying to manage the NYC traffic though which always gets me frustrated and flustered. 

I have lots of worries and concerns. I don't know if my doctor can deliver you in the way that I envision. This is your Papa's first baby. And my first 2 babies's deliveries were such horrible experiences. I don't want  repeat of that. I am hopeful that we will find the right doctor and the right hospital for all of us and all will work out. 

Today we had another visit and another sonogram. Those movements I thought were kicks were punches. Everything looks great. You have a small light on your heart which will require an echo-cardiogram. I'm confident that you are okay. I am worried, also. I want you to take what you need from me so that you are healthy. 

I talk to you often. Out loud and in my thoughts. I tell you how I feel. I sometimes cry. But I try to keep my thoughts clear so that you feel all my positive vibes. It's hard in this crazy world. I just want to teach you everything I know. 

Papa came with me to my visit again today. We heard your heartbeat and we saw you move on a sonogram. That was his first sonogram. This is all so surreal still. 

I can't wait to meet you little one.  I love you so much already.

-Mama